he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
