if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
