soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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