You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
