I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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