I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
