We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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