My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
