at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
