peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
