When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
