I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
