i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
