I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She announced her abortion via fbk
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
