My room smells like vodka and shame
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
