I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
