so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
