Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
