Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
