that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
zippers are such a cool invention
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
