You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I pour the whiskey from now on
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
