I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
