$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
