Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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