WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
