I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
