These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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