We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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