She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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