Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
