She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
