If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
