Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
