Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
