So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
