What did we do last night that was yellow?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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