wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
