shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
