Non-Jews are for practice
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
