so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
