seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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