I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
