Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
