you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
