So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
