i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
