omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
