I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I skipped work to stalk him.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dick very happy bro
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
