i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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