If i could tip my vagina, i would.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
