She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
